


A Mirror For Mahariel

by Recourse



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Heroic Sacrifice — Alistair, Polyamory, Sarcastic Hawke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-31 02:05:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6451180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Recourse/pseuds/Recourse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merrill is sent to Denerim to congratulate Mahariel on behalf of the clan, and has to deal with crowds, qunari, and all the changes that have befallen the woman she loves over the past year, and thinks she can find a way to fix her for good...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Resolutions

Merrill wished she was taller.

It was a silly thing to wish for, she knew; if such wishes were actually being granted, she'd probably just wish that this huge crowd would part for her and not sit there stubbornly ignoring every attempt she made to get through. But being taller would be nice. Among so many humans with their noise and their bustle and the eager energy in the air she felt very, very small indeed.

Someone stepped on her bare toes and she yelped, then covered her mouth as color came to her cheeks. "Very dignified, Merrill, you're making a fantastic Dalish example so far," she muttered to herself, shrinking even smaller. She couldn't even see the royal palace gates she'd wandered so far to reach at this angle, and for a moment she considered just trudging back home and telling the keeper she'd been sent away so she wouldn't have to deal with all this noise and all these people and how did city elves _manage_?

As she hugged herself and felt the weight of the huge pack on her back and the crush of the crowd and the deep nervous tingle in her gut, she remembered nights of sneaking out of the keeper's aravel and joining a pale, beautiful hunter in the dark woods, and bodies pressed against each other under the moonlight, the soft texture of tattooed lips, and the stories she'd heard since that hunter left the clan to go and save the world. Merrill straightened her back, swallowed, and started pushing forcefully through the crowd, whispering "Sorry!" the whole way. She finally broke through the front row only to run face-first into a guard's chestplate.

"Get back to the crowd, ma'am," the guard said dismissively, shoving her back. "The Hero of Ferelden will be out in due time, you can ask for autographs then."

Merrill cleared her throat and tried desperately to look up into his eyes, but found his receding hairline instead. "I, I am expected," she stammered, "I'm from her clan, the keeper sent word-didn't she? She said she did. Oh, did it make it in time?"

The guard looked to his captain beside him, who shrugged. "Let her in," he grunted. "If they really don't want her in there _they_ can throw her out. She looks Dalish enough."

As the guard stood aside for Merrill, she thanked him profusely and promised him she wouldn't be a bother. She slipped through the gate and groaned when she saw that the inside was only really differentiated by the fanciness of the crowd's clothing. There was only one person she really wanted to see, why did there have to be so many humans, and dwarves, and...qunari? She scrunched up her face as she studied the tallest man in the room, with white hair in careful braids pulled back behind his head. He looked just as uncomfortable as she felt, shifting listlessly from foot to foot in tarnished armor that still bore old bloodstains. Merrill chose to get out of his line-of-sight and made her way to the nearest corner, losing her view of the queen. Perhaps if she just sat quietly and looked "Dalish enough" someone would notice her and she wouldn't have to deal with the awful crowds again. She found a barrel and hoisted herself up on it, looking down at her dangling legs and nervously twitching her fingers.

"Hello there, pretty thing," an accented voice murmured beside her. She jumped and looked around, finding a handsome brown-skinned elf that she assumed was the source. He laughed, a confident and bold sound, and his eyes sparkled a bit when he looked at her.

"H-hello," Merrill managed, trying to look away from his intense stare.

He cocked his head. "You were not among the Dalish in the fight, yes? I feel I'd remember such a woman as you. And that pack there tells me you've spent a long time on the road."

"I-I was sent here by the clan to congratulate Mahariel," Merrill stuttered, withdrawing into herself as though to avoid his prying eyes.

"Ah, you are one of her people!" he cried. "She was wondering why none of you were here. Had some trouble fighting through the crowd, yes?"

"It's...there were a lot of people, and I've only ever seen one human up close before, and-"

The elf tittered. "Now now, don't mistake me for judging you. She'd love to see you, and probably _doesn't_ want me seducing you, so give me just a moment. I know my way around the crowd." And with that, he slipped away, seemingly vanishing right in front of Merrill's eyes. She clasped her hands together and squeezed, shaking. "Stop it, Merrill," she hissed, but her leg wouldn't stop jittering up and down as she remembered seeing Mahariel off, tears streaming down her cheeks, certain they'd never see each other again. And then a familiar voice intruded on her thoughts:

"Zevran, I don't see why you can't just-"

"It's more _fun_ this way, darling, trust me, you'll love this," the accented elf interrupted, but Merrill had already hopped off the barrel and started scanning the crowd. As he broke through in front of her, grinning from ear to ear, Merril bounced on the balls of her feet trying to see behind him. And then she emerged.

Her black hair was a mess, and dark bags had formed under her still-brilliant blue eyes, and the blue vallaslin lines that crossed her face and her lips had become wrinkled with worry, and her drakescale armor was stained and pockmarked with the holes left by arrows, the lines left by blades, but it was her hunter, her heart. She froze in place when she saw Merrill, but Merrill couldn't stop herself.

She floated as if in a dream towards her hunter, and it felt so natural and right to put her arms around her and kiss her softly. " _Ma vhenan,_ " she whispered, resting her head on Mahariel's shoulder. She didn't want to notice the way Mahariel had stiffened, the way she hadn't kissed her back, the way she shook in her arms, but she did.

"Merrill," she croaked, her arms moving up, then suddenly snapping back to her sides, hesitant to touch her.

"I'm...I'm going to go," Zevran said, hopping back into the crowd like it was his natural environment.

Merrill tensed up, squeezing her eyes shut as she held onto Mahariel. "I'm sorry," she said, feeling the sting of tears swelling behind her eyelids. "I-I did something wrong, didn't I? I, I just missed you so much, I never thought I'd-" she stuttered, and then let out a small cry as she felt Mahariel's arms finally close around her waist.

"There's a lot I need to tell you," Mahariel murmured. "I-so much has happened."

She drew away, and Merrill felt a profound loss at the break of contact, her arms dropping to her sides, her gaze dropping to the floor. "I'm sorry again, I shouldn't have - what do humans even think of, of people like us, of-"

Merril stopped herself when she heard Mahariel's sad chuckle, and heat rushed into her face as Mahariel's hand lighted on her shoulder. She looked up and saw the exhaustion in her hunter's eyes, the red veins and dark circles. "Same old Merrill," Mahariel said, seemingly unable to stop a small smile from coming to her lips. "I-We should talk in private, but there's this whole-this celebration thing...Listen." Mahariel took a deep breath, looking around. "I'm staying in Arl Eamon's estate out in the city. You should wait there until I'm done dealing with the crowd, and I'll tell you everything. Okay?"

Merrill swallowed and nodded vigorously, trying to will the tears back into her body so that she didn't feel so ridiculous. "A-all right," she affirmed, and she wanted to hit herself for squeaking. "But I don't know where that is."

"You know, I have someone who probably wants out of here as much as you. Hey, Sten!" Mahariel called, and the hornless qunari suddenly rounded the corner, the crowd nervously stepping out of his way. Merrill's throat went dry as she stared up at the huge man.

"What is your wish, kadan?" he asked, and Merrill was shocked at the gentleness of his tone, the smooth sound of his voice. Perhaps he wasn't so scary.

"My friend here isn't comfortable in crowds and she needs to get back to the estate. Can you help her find her way? And you don't need to come back if you don't want to."

Sten let out a very heavy sigh of relief. "Thank you, kadan. It would be my honor.."

"I thought so. Merrill, I promise I'll see you soon, okay?"

Merrill nodded again, still staring at Sten's sheer height as he pivoted towards the door. "Follow," he ordered, and Merrill meekly started behind him. However, as soon as they left the palace, Merrill found herself losing ground as the crowd simply reformed behind him, and soon lost sight altogether. She shook, glancing fruitlessly around at the great mass of taller bodies, cursing at herself and her complete failures as a Dalish representative until she felt strong hands grab her beneath the arms and hoist her above the crowd.

"You are too slow," Sten grunted as he placed her on his shoulders. Merrill's face burned as she realized she was now _riding_ a qunari out of the palace like some sort of child, and the only reason she didn't cover her face and try to disappear was that Sten was moving too fast for her to take her arms off his neck.

"Sorry," she whispered frantically as he barreled through the crowd with no regard to who he pushed aside. He merely gave a grunt and pushed on, not bothering to let her down even after they'd passed out of the crowd and were making their way through alleys and side streets. He ducked under a wrought-iron gate and stopped in front of the door to a grand estate. "Off," he said simply, and Merrill slowly slid off his back, trying very hard not to fall on her back in the dusty courtyard.

Sten cracked his neck and opened the door to let himself in, leading her up a short hallway and pointing to a luxurious bedroom. "That is hers," he stated. "If you have trouble, I will be training in the courtyard."

"Thank you, messere Sten," Merrill said, giving her best curtsy. Sten gave a now-familiar grunt and left her to the room. Merrill looked around and decided that Mahariel probably wouldn't mind if she put her pack down beside the chair in the corner. And she probably wouldn't mind if Merrill just curled up in that chair because she didn't know what to do with herself and she didn't know where she stood with the one person who'd occupied her mind and soul for the last year and she didn't like this stupid human city and all these people keeping them apart. And she had been walking so so so far and maybe she just wanted to rest her feet and her eyes for just a little while.

She awoke to the sound of the door gently closing behind Mahariel. As her eyes fluttered open, she saw Mahariel giving her a lopsided smile, her tired eyes half-closed, and her heart skipped a beat as she remembered that look, given at sunset, when they'd first wandered off in search of ruins together so long ago. But then they made eye contact, and Mahariel looked away, and her smile turned down.

"Liali," Merrill murmured, trying out the first name for the first time in a year, hoping it would spur a memory in the other woman, praying to all the gods that she mattered to Liali as much as Liali mattered to her.

Liali choked, then sniffed as she looked back up to Merrill. She opened her mouth, then closed it again and chose to walk over and sit on the bed. "I didn't think the Keeper would send you," she at last, looking down. "I almost hoped she wouldn't."

A lump rose in Merrill's throat alarmingly fast, her stomach dropping as she hugged her knees to her chest. "I'm sorry," she said, struggling with the words. "I thought we...I thought we, we shared something, I shouldn't have come, it was all just a childish...a fantasy, a-"

"Oh, no! No, no, no!" Liali gasped, getting to her feet and rushing over to Merrill. "I didn't mean-you and I, that did _mean_ something, it's just..." Liali reached out and carefully touched Merrill's shoulder. "Please, I don't- don't cry, just let me explain, I..."

Merrill couldn't respond, burying her head between her knees and trying not to get snot and tears all over herself, hating the absurd noises she was making, hating herself for letting herself be so vulnerable in front of her brave, strong, beautiful hunter, hating that she pinned all her hopes on this stupid childish crush, and she was so absorbed in all of this that she almost didn't notice when Liali leaned over her and kissed the top of her head. "Please don't cry," Liali whispered fearfully, "Please don't, please, come here..."

Merrill unfurled herself and threw her body into Liali's waiting arms, unable to parse any of this, just sniffling into Liali's shoulder. "I'm sorry, whatever I did, I'm sorry," she mumbled into the drakescale.

"Shhh," Liali cooed, stroking her back. "It's nothing you did. It's what _I_ did, and what I didn't do. Come here," she urged, taking Merrill's hand and leading her over to the bed. As they sat together on the edge, Liali stroked her thumb over Merrill's hand, and her heart jumped just a bit. Neither of them spoke for a time, Merrill just listening to Liali's breath as she tried in vain to start.

"There were only two Grey Wardens left in Ferelden after Ostagar," she said at last. "Just me and...and a human man. Alistair. It was up to us to gather an army, defeat the Archdemon. We...we spent a lot of time together. And he was sweet, and funny, and brave and strong and loving and..." She lost her words again and tightened her grip on Merrill's hand as her head spun. A _human?_ A _man_? Merrill's knuckles went white.

"And you don't want me around," Merrill spat. "The girlish crush, the one who never _gets_ what's supposed to be just silly experiments and not love, I see what's-"

"He's dead," Liali interrupted, and Merrill's mouth clamped shut again. "To kill an Archdemon, a Grey Warden has to sacrifice their life to destroy its soul. He made that sacrifice. For me. Because we loved each other, and he wouldn't give me the choice." She drew in a shuddering breath. "Merrill, it was...everything but what I _had_ to do just...slipped my mind, except for him. I forgot about the clan. I forgot about even you, because you'd already moved north. I thought, I thought that I would never see you again, that I might not even get this thing done without getting killed. And I loved him. I really, really did. So we...I gave myself to him, and he gave himself to me. We took the time we thought we had. I never thought I'd make it through to the end of the Blight with nowhere to go from here. And after we buried him, I thought of you, and I hoped I'd never have to explain all this to you, because it all hurts so much." Liali fought back a sob and wiped at her eyes, and seemed unable to continue.

Merrill opened her mouth, but couldn't decide what to say. She wanted to yell at her, for betraying her, for letting someone else touch her in a way that they'd never dared in those moonlit adventures, for forgetting her and leaving her all alone in the clan with no friends and not even a distant lover to pine for. And she wanted to take her in her arms and tell her it was okay, that she understood, that she saw the pain in Liali and knew that she was telling the truth, and they'd never really established what they were to each other, she'd done nothing wrong. And she very much wanted to cry because all of this was so dreadfully unfair.

Instead of saying any of that, she leaned over and kissed Liali again, and briefly lost herself and all her anxieties in the sensation of lips meeting, of tongues twirling, of the confused lust and despair mixed in the both of them. Liali finally broke the kiss, panting, and wiped her eyes. "And now," she said, a wet laugh in her voice, "I feel like I'm betraying him, too..."

"I could never hate you for that, ma vhenan," Merril murmured into her love's ear. "And if this man was good enough for you to love, he can't hate you for this, either." She ran the back of her hand down Liali's tear-streaked cheek. "Let's forget about all of this. Let's just..." She swung her leg over the bed and straddled Liali's lap, hooking her arms behind her and fiddling with the clasps on her armor. "Forget about this whole year," she finished, pushing Liali backwards onto the bed, relishing the flush of her face, the way her eyes widened as Merrill pulled off her breastplate. "Just for a while," she promised, and she leant down and let Liali return her kiss with passion.

There wasn't much in the way of talk after that; they struggled with their clothes in silence, and revealed their feelings for each other through less structured vocalizations than words. As Merrill lay on top of Liali in the afterglow, she carefully pulled the covers up over the both of them and wrapped her arm around the body she'd wanted to see for so long. She laid a careful kiss on the back of Liali's neck and whispered devilishly, "Now we're even." Liali's deep belly laughs quite quickly turned into sobs, but Merrill held on regardless, whispering sweet reassurances into her lover's ear and riding out the storm with her until she had so exhausted herself that she could do nothing but pass into sleep.

They awoke in darkness some time later, and neither of them felt a deep urge to light a candle, or move much at all, simply settling into each other and letting body heat provide the comfort. After a time, Merrill felt bold enough to ask: "Come back with me." But after a moment of pregnant silence, she knew the answer could not be "yes". There were still darkspawn bands roaming and ravaging the country, Liali said, and being a Warden was for life. Maybe she'd come by and visit when all this settled down, she said, and though it wasn't what Merrill wanted to hear, it was enough. It was enough to know that despite everything the Blight had brought, their connection would remain. And lying in that bed with her arms wrapped around the Hero of Ferelden, Merrill couldn't help but compare them, to wonder at Liali's bravery and strength in her fight against darkness. Perhaps she couldn't match it, but maybe she could try to be...better.

Maybe she could find the mirror that caused all of this in the first place and purify it, recreate it, and fix Liali. Yes, that was what she would do when it came time to leave; a brief visit on the way out of Ferelden to find what still lay in those ruins. And when Liali had finished her next stint of heroism, and came back to Merrill, she could remove the taint and Liali could stay with her forever. Whatever it took, Merrill would get her back for good one day, she swore it to herself; she wanted to spend every night like this, and that was worth any price, any price at all.


	2. Lowtown Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over a year out of Denerim, Merrill gets an unexpected visit to her home in the Alienage, and reveals her mirror to Mahariel...

Merrill carefully fit a shard into a gap in the mirror, then ran two fingers over the line that divided them. Whispering an elven prayer, she felt magic flow through her fingers, and shut her eyes as the power from within her knit the glass together like bone, a high-pitched tone emanating from the site of healing and spreading through the entirety of the little hovel she called home. She opened her eyes and surveyed her work with a smile; while one huge crack still ran down the center of the mirror, she assured herself that it would only take another month or so to gather the power to finish it.

Maybe by then, she'd hear something about Liali.

A knock at the door provided a reason to stop staring at her wrist, and she quickly jumped into her living room. As she approached the door, she slowed, the sound of rain slipping through the leaks in her roof reminding her that this couldn't just be a pleasant social call. None of her friends went out into Lowtown when it was raining; they'd all heard the most awful stories of slipping on wet cobblestone and being gored on the spikes. She eyed her staff next to the door, then decided to simply open the door and face whoever it was - it's not like Varric would let the Templars find her.

As the door swung open, she spotted a glint of moonlight reflecting off the back of blue and grey armor, a short, retreating figure covered by a hood. "Hello?" Merrill called, and her visitor stopped in their tracks.

"I was starting to think you weren't home," a familiar voice murmured. Merrill cocked her head, trying to catch a glimpse of the stranger's face. "Or that you didn't live here anymore."

"Well, I'm here now," Merrill said. "I'm sorry, but..." Her voice failed her as the figure turned around. The firelight from the doorway lit up the griffin on her visitor's chestplate, and the five long scars that crossed the blue lines on the right side of her face, lines Merrill knew well.

"Ma vhenan!" Merrill cried, rushing forward to embrace her. "Oh, Liali, I've missed you, I've missed you so much..." she mumbled into Liali's shoulder as the rain soaked her hair.

Liali chuckled, drew away, and gave her a quick peck before suggesting that they continue this when they weren't getting rained on. Merrill ushered her inside, holding her by the hand - but as soon as the door shut and she turned to see her lover's face, her heart sank as she realized just how deep the scars ran. One of Liali's brilliant blue eyes had been lost forever, nothing but a horrid gash left in its place. Merrill swallowed and put her fingers to Liali's cheek as she pulled off her hood, freeing a mass of wild black hair.

"What happened?" she asked softly, running her fingertips down the lines.

"A...a broodmother," Liali answered, taking hold of Merrill's wrist with both hands and drawing it away. "I'd run out of arrows, and she was distracted, so I took my dagger...I ran up her body and slit her throat, but she got one good slash in at me before she was done. More than one, in fact, but you can't see those," she explained, looking down.

Merrill's breath caught in her throat, but she leaned forward and took Liali's face in her hands. "My brave hunter," she whispered, kissing those scarred lips.

Liali let out a self-deprecating laugh. "Hardly. I was terrified. I was sure I was going to die, but..." She drew in a deep breath. "In death, sacrifice. Right?"

"Oh, da'len," Merrill sighed. "Soon you won't have to live like that anymore. I promise."

"Being a Warden is for life, Merrill. I told you that, didn't I?" Liali said. "And besides, even if-"

"I've got something to show you," Merrill interrupted, taking her hand. "Come and see, come and see! I can fix you!"

"Merrill, what are you-" Liali gasped when they entered the bedroom, eye fixed on the mirror. Her hand slipped out of Merrill's grasp as she backed up into the wall.

"See? I went back and I gathered up all the shards I could, and I purified them, and now I'm going to fix it!" Merrill said, gesturing wildly at the mirror as Liali put a shaking hand to her mouth. "And I figure, if when it's broken it makes you sick, when it works it should cure you, right?" She turned eagerly to Liali.

"This is why you left," Liali said numbly. "Why nobody in the clan wanted to talk about you. Why the keeper told me..." The skin seemed to pull back from her head as she stared past Merrill into the blank glass of the Eluvian. "Merrill, Creators, _Merrill_..."

"What?" Merrill's face scrunched up. "Ma vhenan, you're a Warden, surely you know that-"

"Merrill, gods, you used blood magic, didn't you? You...you did, you slit your wrists to bring back the mirror that killed me." Liali pointed at the scars on Merrill's forearms. "You...how could you do this? You left the clan behind, you're destroying yourself, gods, Merrill, I never wanted this to...I never..."

"For you!" Merrill cried, rushing forward and forcibly interlocking their fingers. "Ma vhenan, it can fix you, I _know_ it can, the spirit told me-"

"A demon of pride told you what you wanted to hear!" Liali shouted, shoving her off. "Merrill, you can't keep this thing, it'll kill you. Go back to the clan, give up this ridiculous fantasy!"

"I don't care about the clan!" Merrill said, tears starting to form in her eyes. "The only reason any of them even _tolerated_ me was you. When you left, suddenly the only one who wanted me in the clan was the Keeper. And then they condemn me for trying to get you back! I sacrificed everything for _you_ , my heart, for you!"

"I've had enough of the people I love sacrificing themselves for me," Liali said darkly, looking away.

"You want me to throw it all away? Two years I've spent waiting for you, praying for you, working for you, hoping every day that you'd come back to me, and this is how you repay me?" Merrill's voice wavered, but she pressed on. "I can't give this up now. I've come too far. Even if it can't save you, who knows how much it could teach us if I just made it work!"

"Merrill," Liali said, and Merrill's heart sank to her stomach. "Either you destroy that mirror, or I walk out of here. I won't come back until it's gone."

"It doesn't have the Blight! Can't you tell, you're a Warden-"

"If you start it working again, how long until it breaks? I can't condone this, Merrill. Not as one of the Dalish, and not as a Warden," Liali interrupted. "I won't change my mind. And if I leave, I will have Wardens watching you. I can't let you do this."

Merrill stared into the eye of the woman she'd spent years pining for. She saw memories of long hunts for ruins that ended in lips locking for what seemed like hours; she saw the tension in Liali's muscles as she drew her bow back, eyes locked on a deer, tongue sticking out absurdly; she saw years of pining before the first kiss, and years of pining after she left. She swallowed all of it, and said, "I won't."

"Then goodbye." Liali's voice broke as she turned and practically ran out of the room, drawing her hood up as she left. Merrill followed, not sure what she could say or do to make her change her mind, but sure that _something_ would convince her to stay, she'd come out all this way after-

Something in her mind _clicked_  as Liali gripped the door handle. "Why did you really come out here?" Merrill asked through a lump in her throat. "You didn't come for me. The Wardens are more important to you, aren't they?"

Liali looked over her shoulder, and Merrill caught a glimpse of her downward glance, the guilt in her eye. "We heard about an expedition," she admitted quietly. "But I volunteered because I wanted to see you." She shuddered and turned back to the door. "Please, Merrill," she begged, "be careful." But as she pulled it open, it revealed a tall young woman with a wet black ponytail who looked very guilty.

Liali reacted in an instant, drawing her dagger with one hand and grabbing the woman's collar with the other, shoving her inside and against a wall in less time than it took Merrill to realize what was going on. "What are you doing here?" Liali snarled, putting the dagger to the woman's throat just as Merrill finally caught up and asked, "Hawke?"

"Hey, Merrill," Hawke offered, waving awkwardly. Despite the situation, some humor still gleamed in those teal eyes. "Who's your friend? Just kidding, I know."

"Who is this?" Liali growled.

"She's the one who made it out of your expedition with all the gold," Merrill explained. "And my friend. Let her go."

"She hasn't told me why she's here," Liali said.

"Don't you remember me, from the Hanged Man? You asked Isabela and me if we knew an adorable Dalish elf with black hair in little ponytails," Hawke reminded her. "Isabela told me who you were, and I was a bit curious, so..."

"What did you hear?" Liali asked, stepping back and sheathing her dagger.

"Mostly raised voices," Hawke said with a shrug. "If you want to hear about the expedition, though, go down to Darktown and ask for the healer. You probably shouldn't do that in Warden getup, though." She grinned. "You're in for a shock."

Liali shot a meaningful glance at Merrill. "Just go, she's telling the truth," Merrill said, and without another word Liali stormed out of the house.

Hawke wavered a bit in place, staring into Merrill's eyes. Merrill suddenly realized that she was probably drunk, and yet had wandered out into Lowtown in the middle of a rainstorm to check on her. "Hey, Merrill," Hawke said, cocking her head. "You okay?"

Merrill tried to answer but it only came out as a sob, and she sank onto the bench in front of the fireplace and put her head in her hands. She couldn't cry in front of Hawke, not now, not ever, she'd think less of her, she'd-

She felt a strong arm wrap around her shoulders as Hawke sat down next to her. Even though Hawke was sopping wet, Merrill felt warmth spread through her, and she gratefully leaned her head on Hawke's shoulder. "It's all right," Hawke murmured, stroking her arm, "I'm here."

Merrill drew her hands away and looked up into Hawke's eyes. She was a hunter too, wasn't she? That's what the little dabs of blue paint under her eyes and on her lower lip meant. The Chasind marks of the hunter. Hawke told her that once. And she was an archer, and a hero even if she'd never say so, and-

"What was all that about?" Hawke asked as Merrill looked away, blushing.

Merrill had to remember why Hawke was here, why her eyes hurt so much. Her lower lip quivered and she covered her face again, letting out quiet, stifled sobs. She tried to explain everything, from her transfer into the clan to the first time she'd kissed Liali to the mirror and the Blight and Denerim and the deal with the demon and...but she wasn't sure she was doing a good job. When she couldn't manage anything more than a repeated, "I love her," she stopped talking and just rested her head on Hawke's shoulder again, drained and exhausted. Hawke's fingers tightened their grip on Merrill's arm.

"That _bitch_ ," Hawke spat, startling Merrill. "I should go out there and-"

"Stay," Merrill said, taking a handful of Hawke's tunic and holding on tight.

Hawke looked down and smiled. "Well, if you insist."

Merrill put her head against Hawke's chest and left it there until her breathing slowed. She put her hand on Hawke's thigh and heard her heart speed up, her breath catch in her throat. Merrill smiled despite herself, teasing out responses by drumming her fingers on Hawke's leg, brushing her hand over Hawke's.

"Merrill," Hawke said after Merrill snuggled closer, "I don't want to-I don't want to take advantage..."

"You're the drunk one," Merrill reminded her.

"Not really, just a little bi-"

Merrill rushed up and captured Hawke's lips, running her tongue over the sweet-tasting dab of paint, sucking greedily at it until the taste of the crushed Fereldan wildberries was utterly spent. She drew back to behold her work, Hawke's lip bare for the first time she'd ever seen, her eyes black with desire. " _Maker_ , Merrill," she gasped. "I-that was - are you sure that-"

"I want something good to come out of tonight," Merrill said, taking Hawke by the collar and standing up. "I waited for her for years, and I haven't...in all that time..."

"Oh," was all Hawke could muster as Merrill leaned in for another kiss.

"Now let's get you out of those wet clothes," Merrill purred, "And you can show me what Isabela's always bragging about."


	3. Names and Titles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mahariel appears in Lowtown during the Qunari uprising, and Merrill finds herself fighting alongside her as they take back the city...

Merrill ran the arulin'holm over the very lines she'd used to fuse the mirror's pieces together, slipping it through the surface of the Eluvian by pumping mana through it. She pulled back and touched the line with her free hand, feeling the warmth emanating from the ancient magic she'd used - but no connection to the Fade, or to anything else. Nothing.

Just as she was contemplating tossing the blasted knife and going to see Hawke instead, her house _rocked_. A muffled boom came from somewhere beyond her walls, and the shockwave sent her face-first into the mirror. She rebounded and landed on her bottom, grateful only that she'd managed to avoid shattering the thing.

As she struggled to her feet, her door slammed open, and from the other room she heard Hawke calling her name. Merrill had just enough time to take her staff from the wall beside the mirror before Hawke burst in, bow in hand.

"Thank the Maker you're safe," Hawke sighed, kissing her forehead. "Come on. The qunari are attacking the city."

"They're what? That's what all the commotion is?" Merrill asked as Hawke hurried her out the door.

"Let's just say the meeting with our esteemed guard-captain went poorly, all right? It probably wasn't my fault." As Hawke emerged into the Alienage, she pointed to the vhenadal, where Aveline and Anders stood side-by-side, backs to the tree, weapons aimed at the stairs from Lowtown.

"Have they come through here yet?" Merrill asked as they joined up.

"They don't want the elves," Aveline stated. "They want the nobles. They think they'll have a lot of elven converts once this is over, I'll bet."

"And a whole lot of mages to collar," Anders piped in. "I haven't seen any Templars helping out. They must be defending the Gallows."

"Good to know they're always on the city's side," Hawke commented. "The Arishok was headed for the Viscount's Keep. If we want to stop this, we'll have to stop him."

"I'm with you," Merrill said, stabbing her staff into the ground to make her point.

"Then let's move."

The party made their way up the stairs from the alienage and turned right, only to find two qunari dragging a cannon past Gamlen's house. The one on the left turned and dropped the cannon, calling to his companion and preparing his spear, but he had no chance to throw it. An arrow thudded straight into his throat, and his companion received a thrown dagger to the eye before Merrill knew what was happening.

A figure in blue and grey leapt down from the railing above, directly onto the qunari corpse, which ejected the dagger from his eye and straight into their hand. "No need to be so dramatic," an Orlesian man's voice called from the rails, and the figure twirled around to respond.

"Just getting my..." Liali said, her voice trailing off as she saw Merrill. "My...dagger back."

"Mahariel," Merrill said coldly.

"Spying on her?" Hawke asked.

"What? Why would she be watching _her_? I'm the one she interrogated about your bloody Deep Roads expedition," Anders objected.

"Who in the blazes is that?" Aveline asked, annoyance in her voice. "And shouldn't we be getting a move on?"

"I'm your Hero of Ferelden," Liali informed her, sheathing her dagger. "And we were just leaving," she added as a mustachioed man walked down the stairs behind her.

"Leaving? Are you serious? In the middle of a qunari invasion, you're just going to waltz out of Kirkwall?" Hawke asked, her eyes narrowing. "People say the Wardens are cold, didn't realize they were idiots."

"Quiet," Liali snapped. "Wardens don't get involved in political matters."

"Oh, then what was that whole business in Ferelden about? I suppose executing the regent doesn't count as a 'political affair' these days. Hard to keep track, you know," Hawke retaliated, a hostile smirk on her face.

"I-You know what-"

"Please, Mahariel," Merrill begged, "If we don't reach the keep, a lot of innocent people are going to die. You wouldn't let that happen, would you? You're a hero."

Liali turned to Merrill, and seemed entranced by her eyes for a brief second. She looked at the ground. "Fine."

"What? Warden-Commander, I must object!" the other Warden blurted out as he walked up behind her. "This is not the way of the Wardens. This city has nothing to do with the Blight or Darkspawn. It is not our place, and we don't want to make enemies of the Qunari."

"Stroud, get out of here if you have a problem with it. Pretend I got lost in the crowd or swept up in the fighting if you want. But I am a hero, right? I won't let this city burn," Liali argued.

Stroud looked concerned for a moment, but finally nodded. "Very well, Warden-Commander. May the Maker watch over you."

"Let's move, then!" Aveline ordered, stepping in front of the group as Stroud made his way back towards the docks. "That's enough delay!"

The four of them followed her lead as she called every qunari in their way to face her, arrows and magic flying through the streets of Kirkwall as they advanced past the Hanged Man and started up the steps to Hightown.

As they climbed the seemingly innumerable steps towards their goal, there was a moment of peace; no cannons firing, no shouting, no crossing of blades that could be heard. Merrill took the moment to breathe, and realized that both hunters were walking on either side of her like an entourage. She looked from Hawke to Liali, and saw them both staring doggedly ahead, very intentionally avoiding looking at each other. Still, Merrill knew Hawke wouldn't keep her mouth shut - it was one of her best features - and was proven right a second later.

"So where's my sister?" Hawke asked.

"Safe," Liali said.

"Safe as in 'locked away in a tower' or safe as in 'just outside the city having tea and crumpets'?"

"More the second one. She's at our camp on the Wounded Coast. We didn't want to bring any mages into Kirkwall, not if we wanted to keep our goodwill."

"Just what _are_ you here for, anyway?"

"Old legends, and blighted lyrium."

"Very spooky. And I suppose you _aren't_ still watching Merrill's house? No Warden-paid spies in the alienage anymore?"

"I know about you two. The reports did stop coming, though. I suppose your dwarf had something to do with that."

"Word of advice, Hero: never try to outbid Varric."

Aveline grunted as she reached the Hightown Market landing, and from there it was a whirl of magic, spears and arrows as she charged ahead to get a party of qunari off of a noblewoman. As Merrill projected a stone into the head of the last ashaad, she saw a flash out of the corner of her eye. She turned to face a collared qunari mage, his hands glowing with power. Anders threw up a barrier around her, shielding her from the coming blast - and then the light went out of the qunari's hands, and a sword jutted through his chest. With a hearty kick, his attacker freed her sword from his body, and stood triumphant at the top of the market stairs.

"Knight-Commander," Liali said, stringing her bow across her back and folding her arms.

"Warden-Commander. What an unexpected visit. I thought I barred your kind from the city," Meredith sneered. "After all that your escaped member has done here...and speaking of which, hello, apostates."

"If you want to throw them in the Circle right now, you're welcome to give it your best shot," Hawke said, stepping in front of Liali. "However, I think you'd prefer to see them turning qunari into toads, wouldn't you?"

"Sirrah Hawke. Desperate times create strange alliances." Meredith looked them over. "We don't have time, you're right. We must reach the Keep before the Arishok decides to execute the nobility."

"It's the first sensible thing she's ever said! Alert the town criers!" Anders called, but Meredith was already heading away. As Aveline led the rest of the rapidly-expanding party towards the Keep, Anders turned to Liali.

"Glad to hear that you hate her as much as I do," he said. "I thought you might've changed your mind about mages over the years, the way you interrogated me."

"I didn't force you back into the Wardens, did I?" Liali asked. "The Knight-Commander and I actually have even more bad blood than that, but let's not get into it now."

They found the First Enchanter at the start of the Viscount's Causeway, and he threw fireballs at the qunari guarding the Keep's entrance to draw them away - the last thing Merrill saw as she ran into the Keep was the Knight-Commander and First Enchanter back-to-back, staring down a whole squad of horned giants.

They burst into the keep to find it almost entirely empty, save for two guards standing at the door to the throne room. In the same instant, Hawke and Liali drew back their bows and sent arrows into their heads, then looked sheepishly at one another.

"Nice," Hawke said.

"Thanks."

Aveline threw the doors open just as Viscount Dumar's head flew from the Arishok's fingers. It rolled through the crowd gathered below him as he snarled " **Here** is your Viscount."

"How unsanitary," Hawke commented as the crowd parted before her.

"Shanedan, Hawke. Meraas toh ebra-shok. You alone are-" The Arishok stopped in his tracks, focusing his dark gaze on Liali. "Perhaps not. There are two basalit-an who join us here today. Shanedan, Warden-Commander. My sten spoke highly of you, and we have watched your progress."

"Why are you doing this, Arishok?" Liali demanded. "What possible reason could the qunari have for taking Kirkwall?"  
"Hawke knows. I am surprised she did not tell you, but it seems you joined in the fighting with little enough cause." The Arishok looked to Hawke. "I am denied Par Vollen until the Tome of Koslun is returned. How would you see this conflict resolved without it?"

"I-" Hawke began.

"I believe I can answer that," a woman called from the door, stepping over a qunari guard in the process. The heavy necklace she wore jangled with each step as she strutted up the red carpet, a massive book under one arm. Hawke looked vaguely irritated that she hadn't been able to speak yet. "I'm sure you'll find it _mostly_ undamaged," Isabela added, passing the book into the Arishok's hands.

"Heroic acts of sacrifice? What will people say?" Hawke jabbed, playfully punching Isabela in the arm.

"This is your damned influence, Hawke. Oh, hey there, Liali. Nice to see you again," Isabela said with a little wave.

"That's what this is all about?" Liali said as the Arishok handed the book to one of his soldiers. "Your pirate friend stole that from them?"

"Yes," the Arishok growled. "She is the cause of all of this. And now, I am free to return to Par Vollen - _with_ the thief."

Merrill gasped "No!" but was drowned out by Aveline's "Oh, no no no. If anyone kicks her ass, it's me."

"You're not taking her," Hawke stated. "You have your relic. She stays with me."

"Then you leave me no choice." The Arishok took his massive swords from his back. "I challenge you, Hawke. You and I will battle to the death, with her as the prize."

"No! If you're going to duel anyone-" Isabela began, but Liali stepped up.

"Duel me," Liali ordered.

"What?" Merrill asked. "Why-"

"You don't even know her!" Hawke objected. "I'm defending my girl. I'm not letting you come in and hero it all up."

"Parshaara!" the Arishok shouted. "Basalit-an, your act of sacrifice is commendable, but it is Hawke I challenge."

"You wouldn't relish a chance to fight the Hero of Ferelden?" Liali asked, stepping up to him and looking him square in the eye.

"I would not. You have served us all in your defeat of the Blight. Hawke, as mighty and wise as she is, serves only herself and her people," the Arishok said. "Now. Clear the battlefield."

As Hawke lifted her bow from her shoulders and dropped it to the ground, Merrill approached her with shaking steps. "Are you sure about this, Hawke?" she asked, taking Hawke's chin in her hand.

"Come on, Merrill, I've killed bigger things than _him_ ," Hawke laughed, and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Go up to the balcony. I want to see you there. Moral support, all right?"

Merrill followed the crowd up into the higher section of the throne room, hemmed in by the qunari honor guard. She and Liali ended up side-by-side at the railing, staring down as Hawke unsheathed her twin daggers. Merrill felt a hand slip into her own and squeeze, and looked over to see the lines on Liali's scarred face blushing an angry red. "She'll make it," she promised, looking down at the coming battle, avoiding Merrill's eyes. "For your sake, she has to."

Hawke dropped into a fighting stance, daggers held akimbo, and the Arishok charged. Hawke flowed around him, slipping slashes in as she slid behind his back, slitting dark lines into the gray flesh of his back. He roared and swung around, but she kept pace with him, stabbing a dagger into his left armpit as he raised his sword against her, the point glittering as it emerged from the other side. She left it there as he grunted, dropping one blade, and was rearing around behind him when he turned and shoved her aside with a thrown arm. She fell back against the steps, her dagger clattering to the floor.

The Arishok reached over and dug the dagger from his arm and threw it at Hawke's prone body. She rolled over to dodge it, snatching up her other dagger in the process, and rose to her feet with her weapon held behind her. She smirked.

"Come on, qunari," she called. "Bleed me."

His left arm useless, the Arishok came at her, swinging one sword in a wide arc. Hawke ducked the blow and slid her dagger across his bare stomach, spilling blood onto the floor. He doubled over, and while he was distracted Hawke ran over to the steps and retrieved her second dagger.

"You are slippery, Hawke," the Arishok said with a wet cough. "I see how you have made your fortune."

"Can't you get in at least one good hit? I thought this was going to be a challenge," Hawke taunted, twirling her weapons.

The Arishok chuffed, adjusting his footing. "We shall see." He stood his ground this time, sword to his side, waiting for her to come to him. Merrill found comfort in Liali's hand, her pulse racing as Hawke circled the massive creature, feinting charges but never actually rushing in.

"It'll be all right. She has him," Liali whispered.

Hawke finally ran at him, and as he sidestepped and tried to bring his blade across her chest, she fell to her knees and slid under his counter, head held back. She laughed as the blade sliced through her bangs. _Laughed._ Merrill's heart skipped a beat.

Hawke scrambled around, dodging swing after swing on all fours as she fought to get back to her feet, but she found herself unable to rise without getting cleaved in two. Instead, she suddenly shot between the Arishok's legs, leaving him confused just long enough for her to pivot and drive both daggers into his back.

He screamed in pain, reaching around desperately to try and stop her, even with his bad arm - but as she climbed up his back like a mountainside, she twisted her knives with every jab, sending spasms through his body. Finally, she reached his shoulders and leaned forward, forcing him to the ground. She drew her knife across his throat and jumped off.

With labored, moist breath, the Arishok panted and turned over on his back, blood pouring down his neck and chest, mixing with his warpaint. "One day," he choked, "we shall return." He laid his head back on the floor. His eyes stared up into the ceiling.

There was a moment of silence in the throne room as Hawke wiped her brow. And then, there was an explosion of cheering as someone shouted "The city has been saved!" Liali grabbed Merrill and embraced her, the smell of sweat and the forest mingling together in Merrill's senses, the warmth of her body, the desire in those clenching fingers on her back.

"Liali..." she murmured. "Why..."

"Hey! Where are my girls?" Hawke shouted, holding her arms out to her sides. "I think I deserve something for that!"

"You certainly do," Meredith said as she walked into the throne room. "It appears Kirkwall has a new Champion."

Liali pulled away from Merrill, a tear staining her cheek. "Go to her," she said quietly, looking away. "She deserves you."

Merrill wanted to say something, to ask her something, but Isabela's arm was suddenly around her waist and leading her away from Liali. She looked over her shoulder as they started down the stairs, and saw the Hero of Ferelden standing alone, hands balled up into fists, staring at the ground.

Isabela led her to Hawke's side, and with a woman on either arm, the new Champion made her way back to her home, and her bedroom, and Merrill thought no more of the Warden she'd left behind.

* * *

Merrill woke to see Isabela slipping out Hawke's bedroom door, and for a while was content merely to wrap her arm around Hawke and listen to her breathe. She didn't want to think about where Isabela was going, or about what the Knight-Commander might do to Hawke once the fame wore off and her associations with elven blood mages couldn't be ignored. And she didn't think of those things, just of the warmth of Hawke's body, the soft sound of her breath, the hard muscle on her stomach. She rested her head on Hawke's bare chest and felt, for the first time in a long time, free from worry. Like she'd passed a threshold at long last.

"Good morning," Hawke murmured, interrupting her thoughts. "'Bela's gone, then?"

"Mhm," Merrill affirmed, stroking Hawke's abs.

"How long do you think it will take her to show back up?"

"She'll be back. Why worry?" Merrill asked.

"'Why worry?' Merrill, are you all right? You _always_ worry."

"Not after last night."

Hawke chuckled and sat up straighter, letting Merrill's head fall into her lap. She ran her fingers through her hair and hummed. "You know," Hawke said after a time, "I can't believe she showed up."

"She's always been a better person than she pretends," Merrill said.

"Not Isabela. Liali. I mean...Maybe not that she showed up, but that she fought with us, tried to duel the Arishok for us. I don't know. I thought she hated you."

Merrill grew quiet, her heart sinking as she remembered the embrace in the Viscount's chambers, the faraway look in Liali's eye. "Hawke," she said finally, intending to say something important, but Hawke interrupted her.

"Lien."

"What?"

"My first name. You can start using it any time," Hawke reminded her, tickling one of her ears.

"Oh! Oh, sorry, do you not like-"

"No, I like everyone _else_ calling me Hawke. You get to call me Lien. Because you're living here now."

Merrill sat up, looking at Hawke with wide eyes. "You-you mean, you, with an elf, up here in Hightown?"

"Mhmm." Hawke pulled her in for a kiss. "I want this. Every morning," she added as they pulled apart.

"I-I think I'd like that," Merrill admitted. "But-oh, Ha-Lien, I need to go to my house, I need to gather up my things-"

"Bring the mirror here too, if you want. I can help with that. Later, though," Hawke said gently. "I am actually pretty sore. From...all aspects of last night," she said with a laugh.

"I-I'll go right now. And I need to find Liali, and...and thank her. I think I owe her that much, at least."

"She's probably already moved on," Hawke said as Merrill swung her legs over the side of the bed. "You know. 'Warden business.' Spooky stuff."

Merrill didn't say anything, but she knew that on this point, at least, Hawke was definitely wrong.

* * *

She found Liali standing in front of the mirror, staring into its blank depths. As Merrill approached, Liali's breathing hitched.

"I'm glad there's no reflection," she said, stopping Merrill in her tracks. "It can't show just how ugly I've become."

"Mahariel," Merrill gasped. "No, don't say that, you're-"

"I know what I am, Merrill. As a Warden, you have to know yourself. Especially - especially for this mission." Liali sucked in her breath. "I should destroy this, shouldn't I? It's a potential source of the Blight. It's my duty."

Merrill's stomach clenched as she looked at the back of Liali's matted, dirty hair. "Don't you-"

"I won't. I want _you_ to destroy it. I want you to see how much this mirror has cost me. And you." Liali sniffed. "And I know that you'd hate me if I did it, and I-I can't..." She turned around, her eye shimmering with tears. "You don't hate me, do you?"

"Oh," Merrill sighed, stepping closer, "Oh, ma vhenan, I don't, I don't."

She let Liali cry on her shoulder for a while, holding her, stroking her back through the scarred and pitted armor she wore, listening to her struggle out through snot and tears, "I-I wanted to duel him, I wanted to save your love, I wanted to deserve you, I j-just want you to be happy but I want you back and I want...I want..." Liali swallowed her tears and gripped Merrill tighter, trying to get her breathing under control. "Please," she whispered, wavering in Merrill's arms, "Please destroy it. Please. Don't let it kill you like it killed me. I don't care if you stay with her, I don't care if you never go back to the clan, just please, please..."

"You said that before," Merrill said, pulling back. "That it killed you. But you're right here."

"Being a Warden is a death sentence, Merrill," Liali said, wiping her face. "It's...it's an early grave, twenty or thirty years at best, and then the archdemons start calling for you. And they send you down to the Deep Roads to die in...in _pointless_ battle. And becoming a Warden's the only cure for what the mirror gave me."

"Ma vhenan," Merrill said, reaching for her, but she turned away.

"Don't call me that." She ran a hand through her hair and tossed it back. "Not while you're sharing someone else's bed. Not while you still have... _this._ " Liali threw a hateful glance at the mirror.

"Then Liali...I...it won't break. Not for a thousand years. The spirit, he told me-"

"Enough." Liali's face grew stern, and she moved past Merrill. "I'm not having this argument again, I-I-I don't have time. I shouldn't have come here. I shouldn't have...I'm...I need to meet up with Stroud. I need to make sure the rest of my life means something."

"Liali, wait," Merrill called as Liali pulled open the door, but she slipped through, and was gone. Merrill thought of running after her, finding her, and saying...what? What would she say? She was just as ignorant and scared as the rest of the clan, no matter what else she was.

Instead, Merrill turned back to the mirror and ran her fingers across its smooth surface. _You won't die in pointless battle,_ she thought. _You'll die of old age. I'll make sure of it._


	4. Humility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merrill discovers Mahariel in the cave atop Sundermount, and what she's done...

Merrill stood before the mouth of Sundermount's highest cavern, feeling a chill blow through her. Hawke's arms wrapped around her waist.

"You don't have to do this," she murmured, fear giving strength to her clenching fingers. "Not if you don't want to."

"I've come too far," Merrill said, gently untangling herself from Hawke's grasp and looking her in the eye. "And you're the only one I trust to be by my side when I do this."

"So what am I, darkspawn shit?" Isabela asked, hopping up beside her.

"You'll follow Hawke. You always do," Merrill said, smiling at her.

"And I'm just here to take the demon claws to the face, right? That seems to be my job these days," Aveline grumbled from behind them.

"Well, if you don't mind," Merrill replied. Aveline just grunted in response, and the three of them let her lead them into the cave's winding passages. _More of a ruin than a cave, really_ , Merrill thought, running her hands along the stones set into the walls by the ancient elvhen. _Just the sort of place I used to go with-_

Merrill very much wanted to swear at what she saw in the central chamber.

Sitting before a cross-legged statue and mimicking its pose was none other than the Hero of Ferelden. Merrill could barely recognize her but for her Warden-issue armor - her hair was an unkempt mess, even worse than the last time she'd seen her, and she'd lost the tip of her left ear. Her face sat placid beneath what seemed to be a layer of grime and dried blood, left over from a gash on her forehead that she'd apparently never cleaned up.

And, Merrill realized with a start, there was no hint of demonic energy in the air. The spirit that had been trapped in the statue was gone.

"Mahariel," Merrill said at last, stepping into the chamber. "What have you done?"

Mahariel looked up and _smiled_. "I've saved you," she said.

"Oh, what in the name of Andraste's tits," Hawke sighed as soon as she caught a glimpse of the Warden.

"I heard from my spies that you were heading up to Sundermount today. The Keeper knew what you would do," Mahariel said, rising to her feet. "She wanted to do it herself, but you're my burden."

"What did she do?" Merrill asked, her voice squeaking despite herself. She drew closer to Mahariel, looking into her eye, fearing what she might find there.

"She forced the demon into my body. If you kill me, it dies too."

"Isn't that exactly what we didn't want to have to deal with?" Isabela moaned as she stepped in. "Possession was not the _point_ of this, you know."

"It would have happened anyway," Mahariel said. "I wouldn't let Merrill be taken."

"No!" Merrill shouted suddenly, stomping her foot down. "I would have _never_ let him into my body! How-how could you do this?"

"Because I love you," Mahariel said.

A chill came into the room. Aveline's anxious pacing behind the two elves filled the silence as they stared at each other.

"Please," Mahariel said. "End this."

"You can't ask me to do that. And I-I won't." Merrill's mind raced as she remembered stories, legends, things she'd heard in the Fade in her dealings with spirits-

"She says she has to die, Merrill," Hawke said gently, putting a hand on Merrill's shoulder. "Is she right?"

"No. She's not."

Mahariel visibly paled. "No! This is the only way to end this now. I made sure of it. The Keeper said-"

"The Keeper doesn't know blood magic. She fears it. Just like you." Merrill reached down and slipped a knife out of her boot. "But I can reach into your mind through the Fade and find the demon's dwelling-place. I can destroy him and leave you intact."

"That ritual requires a total sacrifice!" Mahariel argued, her eye growing wide. "I know of it! Someone tried to convince me to do it once!"

"Perhaps the one that person knew did. Or they didn't know how to change it. I can draw enough energy from two lives and leave them intact. It won't be fun, but we'll live," Merrill said, turning around. "Lien-"  
"I'll do it," Hawke said immediately. "I'm not letting this happen on my watch. Not next to my city."

"Can you make it a three-way?" Isabela asked. Aveline scoffed. "I mean draw from my blood, too," Isabela added with an annoyed glance. "That way, we'll all be less drained when we have to walk all the way back down this stupid mountain."

"No, no, no, you have to kill me, it's the only way it can all make sense," Mahariel pleaded, shaking. "Don't do this, don't try and fix me anymore, Merrill, just let me die, please, please-"

"You don't want to die. If you did, he would have taken you over by now. You would have let him in," Merrill argued.

"No it's-I can't let him in because-"

"Liali," Merrill said, touching her fingers to Mahariel's forehead, "Sleep." She sent a burst of power through her fingertips, and Liali swayed and started to fall. Merrill caught her and gently laid her down before the statue.

She turned back to the others. "Aveline, I need you to watch us. We're all going to be asleep for a long time," Merrill said.

"Wonderful. I can catch up on Varric's guard serial," Aveline said sarcastically. "I'm in full support of this plan, by the way. Use blood magic to kill a demon. Seems reasonable."

"Trust me," Merrill begged.

"I don't have much of a choice."

Isabela and Hawke both stepped up next to her, the three of them forming a triangle. "Are you sure about this, kitten?"

"Not at all," Merrill said with a smile, "but I'm not letting her die."

"I honestly like this plan better," Hawke said. "Less chance of my favorite elf getting a plus one."

"You're always behind me, ma vhenan."

"You know it."

"All right. Hold out your wrists." Merrill readied her knife. "And hold still." She drew three quick lines across their arms, then raised the knife point between the three of them. Blood soared out of the wounds, eliciting cries of pain and surprise as it gathered into a ball. Merrill felt her own consciousness slipping as the power in their blood was brought out, and finally she let it switch from being in her head to being inside the sphere of viscera at the tip of her knife. As she jumped, the bubble burst, the three women dropped to the ground, and Merrill found herself floating above her own body.

She was floating freely as if in the Fade, bound by nothing but her own will. Aveline turned and saw her spirit, gasping, but she had no time to explain. Merrill flew over and positioned herself above Liali's prone form. She reached her fingers into Liali's forehead, and a great gravity pulled the rest of her inward.

She found herself at the top of a tower, surrounded by fire and corpses. A massive dragon reared up before her, bleeding from the stomach and scrabbling along the ground, trying to gain the strength to raise its head. Liali's voice called out from behind her.

"Let me take it!" she begged as Merrill turned to see who she was talking to. Liali had a brown-haired human man by the shoulder, stopping him from charging the beast. Merrill started to see that she had both eyes again. "Please. I can't let you die. This is my duty. You should lead the Wardens."

The dragon roared, a horrible sound that forced Merrill's hands to her ears.

"I'm not giving you a choice," the man said quietly, putting his hand to Liali's cheek. "I love you."

He broke from her grasp and charged right through Merrill, but before he could make it to the dragon an arrow caught him in the back of the knee. He stumbled and fell as Liali rushed by, grabbing his sword on the way. He and Merrill watched helplessly as Liali slid under the dragon's neck, tearing a long gash in its throat and covering herself in its tainted blood. As the dragon's head dropped to the ground, Liali sidestepped it, then plunged the blade into the top of its skull.

A pillar of light shot out from the beast, piercing the heavens with power, Liali caught in its ray as she tried to extract the blade. A shockwave blew her over, thrusting her off of the beast and into the man's arms. In the silence that followed, the man leaned down and kissed her. "You did it," he whispered as she stirred. "And you survived."

"No," Liali groaned, squirming in his arms. "This isn't-this isn't how it happened-this is a lie-"

"Shh, my dear. You're so much stronger than anyone thought you were,"

"No!"

Before Merrill's eyes, the two of them switched positions - only the man wasn't moving, and Liali sobbed into his chest as his dead eyes stared blankly ahead. "You died," Liali moaned, rocking back and forth with the body in her arms as her face twisted into the scarred version Merrill had just seen in the cave. "You died because I didn't stop you, because you thought you had to, but I should've been the one, I'm nothing, you were a king's son and a Warden and so much more than me..."

Merrill cautiously walked forward, waiting for the pride demon to try another illusion to feed off of Liali's emotions and truly take her over. Liali's head jerked at the soft sounds of her footsteps. Their eyes met, and the blood drained from Liali's face.

"What now, monster?" she hissed, standing up and dropping the body. It faded into nothing before it hit the ground. "Are you going to try to use her against me, too?

"You think you're so much better than her," Merrill found herself saying, the words flooding out of her body like vomit. "You brought me into your body because you think she can't handle it. Your pride won't allow you to think that she might be stronger than you. That she might break the taint's hold on you."

"N-no, that's not true, I just want to protect her, I don't want her to suffer the same fate as me," Liali argued.

"Lies you tell yourself. Like you told in the Mother's chamber," Merrill continued, her muscles clenching as she tried to break the demon's hold on her. And the Fade shifted and warped around her, to an underground island reaching out into a green lake. Liali had her dagger out, and a truly horrid creature stood at the end of the island.

Merrill hadn't truly understood what a "broodmother" was until that moment, when she saw the bloated, twisted mockery of the human form wailing at the end of the island. Merrill looked behind Liali and saw two humans and a dwarf fighting off flesh-colored tentacles while the broodmother laughed. Liali ran past her and clambered up the layers of fat and skin that made up the lower end of the broodmother, and started stabbing her in the throat. The Mother flailed her claws and tore chunks out of Liali even as she continued to slam the dagger, two-handed, into the Mother's chest over and over. Finally, as Liali buried the dagger in the Mother's eye, the Mother's arm thrust through her chest, fingers wriggling out of her spine.

Merrill hunched over and threw up, tears spilling from her eyes even as the pride demon forced her to gloat, "There. Now you've made the sacrifice and become the martyr, just like you planned when you made that mad dash. Now you don't have to continue on, getting uglier and sadder and lonelier the longer you persist on in the life you never wanted. Now, you're a real hero. Like Alistair."

"No," Liali whispered. Merrill looked up to see her pulling herself off of the Mother's arm, falling backwards off her body. She stood up, the hole in her stomach slowly knitting itself back together as Merrill watched, shaking. "No, that wasn't-it wasn't about pride, I needed to save them, I didn't care if I lived or died-"

"You wanted to die," Merrill said.

"Because I'm no leader!" Liali shouted. "I never wanted to be! All I ever wanted to do before that _fucking_ mirror was-was-"

Liali ran forward, embraced Merrill, and forced their lips together. Merrill closed her eyes, and the cave faded away, the sounds of birds and shuffling forest creatures replacing the dead silence. When Liali broke the kiss, Merrill opened her eyes to find her young again. _Sixteen_ , she thought, looking around at the quiet ruins, bathed in the orange light of sunset. She remembered what she was supposed to do; she was supposed to blush, look down, and nervously grab Liali's hand. This was supposed to be the happiest and most confusing time of her life, she knew. She could still feel the butterflies in her stomach. And when she spoke, it wasn't the demon's voice, at long last.

"Liali," she murmured, brushing Liali's hair behind her ear. "I'm so sorry. For all of this."

Liali's eyes widened. "Merrill? You're really here?"

"I came to save you, remember?" Merrill said. "You've broken its hold on me."

"Is-is this another trick? To make me proud of that?" Liali drew away, her scars breaking through the Fade's illusion.

"No," Merrill said, "but as soon as I said that, I felt him leave. You were proud, so he's coming. He's going to try to take you by force now, now that we've fed him."

The forest dropped away, leaving nothing but the two of them on a rocky plain, a green sky and the Black City above them.

"Liali, grab your bow," Merrill said, taking her staff from her back. "We have the power to destroy him. Together."

And he fell from the sky. A massive, violet, scaled humanoid creature, horns extending from his head and spines from his elbows, dropping right in front of the two of them and sinking his claws into the ground. He rose up to his full height, staring down at the two of them. _If he had lips, he would grin_ , Merrill thought, seeing the glint in his eye.

"So you plan to fight, do you?" Audacity asked, stomping forward. "You want to kill me after all. Merrill, Merrill, I thought we had such a close and friendly relationship."

"I always knew what you were," Merrill declared, stepping between Audacity and Liali. "I was never going to let you take me."

"That was never my plan," Audacity said with a chuckle. "I wanted the mirror finished. I reside near the very crossroads that it's connected to, and I could finally leave this prison and enter your world. But your Keeper and this worthless, depressed elf already saw to that."

Liali shrank behind Merrill, clutching her chest in fear at the sight of Audacity. Merrill stood her ground, drawing power from within herself, charging her staff for the fight to come.

"But that doesn't mean we can't still have an accord," Audacity said, leering. "How is this: You leave, let me have this body, and I will give you the passphrase to reactivate the Eluvian. You can have knowledge none have known for centuries, at the cost of just one life."

"Never." And with a twirl of her staff, Merrill sent a bolt of lightning straight into the demon's chest.

He stumbled backward, growling, then slammed his fists into the ground as Merrill started peppering him with firebolts. He charged, and Merrill grabbed Liali by the hand and dragged her to the side to dodge him. "Come on!" she urged. "You have your bow, look!"

"She is broken," Audacity claimed, standing up tall again and gathering green flame in his hands. "It took so long to gather the pride from her, I had to eke it out, find it underlying all the self-hate and despair. She will die here, no matter if I live or not."

Merrill readied a shield for the coming inferno, a white bubble around herself and Liali. Audacity chuckled.

"Last chance, Dalish," Audacity goaded. "Drop the barrier. Let me take her, and the secrets of the elvhen are yours."

An arrow shot through from Merrill's side of the barrier and struck Audacity in the face, taking out of one his many eyes. The flames he'd been preparing suddenly broke loose and ignited his flesh. He screamed as arrow after arrow thudded into him, his head, his chest, his stomach, Liali emerging from behind Merrill's shield to continue drawing and firing, drawing and firing. Her face twisted into a snarl of rage, she cried, "Get out!" and rushed him as he reeled back, smouldering and bleeding. She drew her dagger and leapt for him, clinging onto the cracked ridges on his throat and shoving her blade under his chin. Light poured from the final wound, and expanded until his whole body shone like a beacon, and then vanished from under Liali.

She dropped to the ground on all fours as the Fade became dark around her. "Thank you," she said quietly.

Merrill found herself staring at the glowworm-studded ceiling of the Sundermount cavern, an ache infesting her entire body, dried blood on her wrist. She groaned as the weight of the ritual made itself known.

In front of her she heard Liali stir, a soft sound of recognition accompanying her waking. Aveline grunted from the front of the cave. "Please tell me that worked," she said.

"It did," Liali said, her voice a harsh croak, echoing through the cave. "She did it."

"Thank the Maker for small miracles, then."

Merrill tentatively sat up, wincing at the pain in her back, and found that Aveline had moved the three of them to the cave wall and set them up on top of their bedrolls. Liali had been left where she was, lying in front of the statue, and she too was just beginning to rise. Finding the act of holding herself up exhausting, Merrill let herself fall back again. She closed her eyes and listened to the shallow breaths of Hawke and Isabela to her right, reaching out for Hawke's hand blindly and intertwining their fingers.

"So, what's the plan now?" Aveline asked. "The other two woke up a little while ago, but they said they were _tired_ , so..."

"We'll need rest," Merrill said from the floor. "At least a few hours."

"And where's she going?"

Liali's feet shuffled on the stone floor as she stood. "I don't know," she said quietly. "I told the Wardens I wasn't coming back."

"Stay with us," Merrill said. "Just for a while."

Liali sat down crossed-legged beside her, and Merrill turned her head to look. "We should get you cleaned up," she mused as Liali fidgeted. She reached out a hand to stroke her hair. "Cut this. Wash it. Wash you. Polish your armor." Liali caught her hand and held it tight with both of hers, her fingers shaking. "Audacity was right about one thing, you know," Merrill continued, putting her head back to look at the ceiling. "You could use a little more pride."

Liali swallowed. "Are you sure you want me back in Kirkwall? Back in your life?"

"Mhmm."

"And what will she think?" Liali asked, pointing over Merrill's head at Hawke.

"I'll convince her when she wakes up." A wicked, sleepy grin came to Merrill's face. "I'm sure she'd love to be able to say she slept with the Hero of Ferelden..."

Liali's squeak was matched with an "Oh, Maker," from Aveline. "I-I-Are you really saying-you want to-" Liali stammered.

Merrill giggled. "We can talk more later. Just come down here and keep me company, until this ache passes."

As Liali's skinny, armor-clad body pressed against her own, Merrill smiled to have her two lovers beside her. She happily turned to her side and nestled against Hawke as Liali's chest pressed into her back, her arms encircling her stomach.

"What about the Eluvian?" Liali asked, after a moment had passed.

"It's just a mirror."


End file.
